As I type this I am listening to a thunderstorm and beautiful rain outside our window. Jason is sitting next to me. Poor little man is so hungry and just woken up from an afternoon nap. When I listen to the beautiful storm and rain I am reminded of the beauty in this world and how God created this world absolutely perfect. He didn’t intend everyone’s life to be easy. We have had our fair share of battles that’s for sure and this wean is just one of those battles. I have never forgotten that he is right by my side going through this wean with us day by day. He created a beautiful world and one day our breakthrough will come!
Today was another tough day with Jason. He continues to hold out and will not give in to his hunger and continues to be stubborn. I have updated Graz about the troubles we are having and they are with us every step of the way - fantastic. They keep me going and keep me motivated and keep us on the right path. The professor has said that Jason is a very intelligent stubborn little boy! That’s for sure - he he. And we must not give in to his acting out and tell him the reason he is feeling the way he is, is because he is hungry and no amount of love an attention will help that hunger. We must basically ignore him, eat around him, have food and snacks available to him but not force or offer food. If he wants food he must ask or help himself. We must also try a little bribary may help eg. He can have "this" if he eats something.
Well we tried that today. Luckily for our sake it wasn’t a hot day to swim anyway. I told him that if he eats a chip he can go swimming. Well that started him off and he was so angry. He knew exactly what I was talking about. He cried and cried for about half an hour. Eventually pulled himself together when he saw that he was not getting any attention. Then at "play picnic" we ignored him all sat down and "happily" ate while he watched us. As soon as he saw the play picnic sheet he started crying again. He cried and cried the whole play picnic. We sat there for half an hour ignoring him, just talking amongst ourselves over his screams and tantrums and then after half an hour we walked off and left him there. Well he continued to cry and throw things and carry on for another 40 minutes all by himself even though we were taking no notice of him - we were upstairs, he was downstairs. We clearly remember them saying to us in Graz that we are not holding him down, we are not forcing him to sit there and if he wants to leave he can leave. So really there was no reason why he needed to carry on crying and screaming besides trying to get our attention which we were not giving him. We were sitting upstairs and eventually all was quiet. When we went to check on him he had fallen asleep. The whole play picnic was upside down - pop corn, chips, water everywhere. He had pulled the whole sheet up and destroyed the area.
You know it’s hard to watch your child in such a state like that, so angry BUT this is all a part of the process. Jason needs to realize that food will make him feel better not crying and screaming. I have done my bit, I have looked after him, fed him, changed his nappies etc. For 4 and a half years and he needs to realize that he is a big boy and he can do things for himself. I know it sounds cruel but you have to be cruel to be kind. I cannot continue like I have these past years. Bruce and I have a life as well. No he didn’t ask for this I know but neither did we and the only way is to break him and show him that we are not going to give into him. He is a big boy and there is no reason why he can’t eat.
Today he proved to us that he has a lot of energy still left in him when he wants to! He is a tough cookie that’s for sure. I thought he would have given into his hunger by now. I mean tomorrow is two weeks. Tonight we are down to 200mls formula which is scary but as the professor said. That milk is not going to gain weight on him and it may be just satisfying him and he therefore does not need to eat? We will see. He can’t go on forever without eating, he has to give in sooner or later. How long he can keep it up is a mystery to us all!
How am I feeling? Well yesterday I was really down. Today I am feeling a bit stronger. It helps having the guidance from Graz, that keeps us all motivated and going. It helps knowing what to do and what not to do. We are not making the decisions, we are being guided by the experts. They have seen it all and helped so many children get weaned. They know what they are doing!! We are doing our best and that’s all we can do, it’s up to Jason to do this, we can only try and show him what to do. Other than that we can’t make him eat. I cannot go back to feeding him every 2 and a half hours throughout the day and go back to night pump feeds all night where I am up at least 4 times a night. He needs to get out of nappies and start going to the toilet. We have to continue forward and see this through. I am also a tough cookie like my little man and we are only doing this for him to better his life!
Today is the final day of 2011. It’s been a tough year again for the "Longs" but hopefully 2012 will be easier seeing Jason eating eventually and inviting our little girl into the world at the end of March. Lots of things to look forward to!!
Happy New Year to all of you and thank you so much for all your support and messages. You all are very much a part of this journey and having your support means a lot to us.